A wonderful strange thought was given to me tonight. God is pleased with me. It is really hard to stomach that thought. God is PLEASED with me? When He looks on me it brings Him pleasure. Why? Because, I am covered with His Son's precious blood. Not a speck of my sin or short-comings to be bound, only Christ's righteousness given to me, clothing me.
Now, this realization is hugely important. I have been seeking to Love God more in both quantity and purity. But, I've felt so down-trodden in much of my spiritual life recently. I need to pray more, witness more, fast more, study and read the Word more, tithe more joyfully, witness more, pray less selfishly, have a pure heart and desires, serve those around me, witness more, minister in my church, bear the burdens of my friends and roommate... While I'm doing all thay I still need to go to class and chapel, do my homework as unto the Lord, serving in my job as though ministering to Him directly, go grocery shopping, clean, physically rest according to Genesis 2, eat healthily, exercise, keep healthy relationships, manage my finances, take proper care of my possessions (i.e. actually get the oil changed in my car), etc. and so on. *sigh* I'm exhausted, and this list doesn't even include spiritual traits I should be nurturing: patience, love, gentleness, mercy, long suffering, goodness, kindness, self-control...
I am told that I should do all these out of love for the Lord, but I don't feel the love - I'm exhausted. And if I don't feel the love, then am I just playing a charade trying to win His favor? How do I know if my heart was pure anyway? How do I know if I've succeeded in pleasing Him?
Driving home from wok tonight, I choose not to play music because I wanted to just chat with the Lord. The thought came to me, "See, THIS pleases the Lord." What? This? But I'm doing SO little with my life?!
Through my devotions another thought was given to me, "Jessica, you cannot feel love for someone who is constantly displeased with you!" I realized, my view of God is getting in the way of my LOVE for God. He is not constantly disappointed in me. He is not critiquing everything I do in some diabolical, perfectionist way. NO! He loves me purely and wholly. When He looks at me, I am covered. There is NO condemnation. He is PLEASED with me!!
Talk about freedom! It is easy to serve and lavish love upon One who is pleased with me, who is excited by my efforts. This is not a burden, but a blessing and a privilege!
