Feminine Character Evaluation for a Date or Mate

A while ago I posted a compiled (per request) a list of character based qualities from which a woman should evaluate her potential date or mate. This is the companion list of character based qualities from which a man should evaluate his potential date or mate. Neither list is exhaustive - but this list especially is a challenge to myself as to what character qualites I should be seeking to grow in.

• Proverbs
  • Does not use her words to lure men into wrongful behavior (5:3-6; 6:24; 22:14)
  • Speaks wisdom (chapter 9) – I would dare to speculate that there is a reason Wisdom is personified as a women, they have a special place and influence in society should they use that position correctly.
  • Gracious (11:16)
  • Has discretion (11:22)
  • Seeks to bring honor and never shame (12:4)
  • Edifying in nature. She seeks to build and create whether with practical physical things, or in her relationships, especially with her family (14:1)
  • She is not quarrelsome or contentious (19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15-16;) – Ladies, look at how many references there are on this one – Definitely a theme in Proverbs, take note!
  • Prudent (19:14)
  • Not causing vexation, anger, or fretting (21:19)
• Proverbs 31 – This is the ABC’s of a virtuous woman, and I will present it that way. I am writing for an audience of singles, but it is important to note that the Proverbs 31 woman is an older woman who has been married and raised children.
  • Aleph (10) – Value virtuous women.
  • Bet (11)– She is trustworthy.
  • Gimel (12)– This woman is careful only do things that are good for her husband; she makes choices in the present (financial, health, purity, etc) with him in mind.
  • Dalet (13)– She is an industrious and practical worker with her hands, knowledgeable in the materials she needs and how to create helpful items for life.
  • He' (14) – She is a creative and adventurous cook, carefully choosing her ingredients and knowing where to get them (presumably with the best deal)
  • Vav (15) – She is willing to limit her sleep so that her family has an excellent start to their day and are well fed.
  • Zayin (16) – She makes wise financial investments and is careful with her money doing those things which will provide financially for her family in the future.
  • Chet (17) – She is physically able and strong. This strength comes from her work (via context), but in our modern culture where many jobs are sedentary in nature – this is woman who cares for her body physically and exercises.
  • Tet (18) – Her creative, productive ingenuity brings profit for the family. Their electricity is not at risk of being turned off, nor does she waste her time idly with lazy pursuits.
  • Yod (19) – She creates the median materials needed for her business and her household’s life from the raw materials she already procured in vs 13.**
  • Kaph (20) – She is generous to the poor.
  • Lamed (21) – She has planned ahead for possible difficulty**, and in those hard times her family will be protected and provided for.
  • Mem (22) – She decorates her home beautifully and dresses stunningly.
  • Nun (23) – She looks for a respected and respectable man to be her husband.
  • Samek (24) – She has a business from her home and good relations in the market place.
  • ‘Ayin (25) – She is honorable and strong, not worried about the future (Phil 4)
  • Peh (26) – She speaks wisdom and scripture/the law of lovingkindness (torah of chesed).
  • Tzade (27) – She is not lazy, but rather cares for her household and keeps them in line.
  • Qoph (28) – Her children and husband recognize her worth.
  • Resh (29) – They say that she is greater than all other women.
  • Shin (30) – This women rests in her character to give her beauty and bring her praise.
  • Tav (31) – She deserves to see the results of her labors and receive praise from her family, friends, and community.

*See Eph 4, Paul’s list of things to put off and put on for concrete examples of what you can be doing. The fruits of the Spirit, are just that – fruits that the Holy Spirit grows in our lives as we cultivate our relationship with Him, however, Eph 4 deals with practical daily things we can be doing.

**Vs 13: She gets wool and flax – the raw materials. Vs. 19: she makes the wool and flax into cloth – median materials. Vs. 24: she creates the final product to be sold.

• Ephesians 5:22, 24, 33
  • Submit to her husband (not to men in general) – She has a submissive attitude toward those in authority (Father, pastor, government authorities) and a willingness to follow and let men around her practice leadership.
  • Cultivates respect toward men particularly her husband.
• 1 Timothy 2:9-15
• • Her focus is on the inward more than the outward beauty.
  • She does take care and orders her appearance in a way which is respectable and self-controlled (neither lazy and careless or overly obsessed) – or to use an ill-defined Christian buzz-word – she’s modest.
  • She is actively practicing good works.
  • She is a learner with a quiet and submissive attitude toward the teachers.
  • Does not seek to dominate the men around her.
  • Honors the leadership order begun at creation (i.e. complementarian)
  • Values children and child rearing.
  • Lives a life characterized by faith, love, holiness and self-control.
• 1 Timothy 3:11 - I do not believe this verse is discussing deacon’s wives but rather women who serve in a specific non-elder/leader position in the church
  • She is respectable
  • Not given to gossip or foolish sharing of knowledge/stories
  • Not an alcoholic
  • Takes life seriously with a mature attitude.
  • Faithful
• Titus 2:3-5
  • Worthy of respect
  • Not spreading lies or gossip
  • Not bound by addictions
  • Looking to teach good things
  • Focus on mentoring younger women
  • Committed to love her husband (should the Lord provide)
  • Committed to love her children (should the Lord provide)
  • Self-controlled
  • Pure
  • Committed to focusing her life around that which is best for her family
  • Kind
  • Submissive to her husband
• 1 Peter 3:1-
  • Committed to submit to and obey her husband
  • Respectful
  • Pure in all actions
  • Winsome in character and conduct – reflecting the Word
  • Focused on inner beauty above external beauty.
  • Gentle and quiet spirit - This is not a statement on personality types – but rather an attitude of the heart which trusts the Lord and is not anxious or quarrelsome (think the opposite of Proverb’s quarrelsome woman).
  • Does not allow fear to keep her from obeying God and her authorities.
  • Does that which is good.
  • Hopes and waits for the Lord to act on her behalf (even when her earthly authorizes don’t care for her as they ought)
• Ruth
  • Chooses God above the logical way of life (1:16-17)
  • Loyal (1:16-17)
  • Proactive in solving problems and providing for those around her (2:2)
  • Respectful of culture and boundaries (2:7)
  • Industrious, hard working (2:7)
  • Direct about getting needed information (2:10)
  • Does not take things for granted (2:13)
  • Listen’s to advice (2:23; 3:4-6, 14)
  • Trusts those God put in her life to provide and protect her, even when illogical (3:6)
  • Makes proper appeals when in need (3:9)
  • Accepts gifts, compliments, and help graciously (3:15)
  • Waits without nagging for others to do what they said they’d do (3:18)

Masculine Character Evaluation for a Date or Mate

A couple of my girls asked for this list. And I figured there may be others who would appricate it, so I'll share it here.

The LORD challanged me to go to His Word as the primary method of evaluating male-female relationships. This is a list of characteristics I found which should be considered when evaluating a man as a potential date or partner (When I have time I'll create a list of characteristics of women). This is not an exhaustive list, nor will any man fit this perfectly. Yet, I believe these are the sorts of character standards by which we should evaluate potential mates and our dating relationships. Is the man growing in these areas and seeking to reflect Christ to us?

But start the entire process with this question: Will this relationship further the kingdom of God (Matt 6:31-34; 1 Cor 7:32-35)?

1 Tim 3:1-7 (This one particularly applies to those of us who feel a call to full-time vocational ministry. The man I marry must be qualified to be a pastor).

• Above critism, meaning he leads a life which cannot generally be criticized (vs 2)
• Eyes for his woman only – not dating around, not having trouble deciding, pursuing YOU – faithful, loyal to his woman (vs 2).
• Self-controlled: restrained, in control of his emotions and reactions, characterized by (2)
• Sensible in his behavior (2)
• Worthy of respect – Respected by church leadership, friends, acquaintances (2)
• Hospitable – opens his life to others (2)
• Able to teach (2)
• In control of addictive behaviors especially in relation to alcohol and drugs (3)
• Not violent (3)
• Gentle: considerate, gracious (3)
• Not looking for a fight but rather preferring peace (3)
• Not possessions oriented: doesn’t need a lot of “stuff” (3)
• The type of man who you would want to raise your children (4)
• Not recently saved: spiritually mature (6)
• Well thought of by the unsaved community (7)

1 Tim 3:8-10, 12 (This one is for those who do not feel a personal call to ful-time ministry and desire to serve wherever God would have them, as well as those of use who feel called to full-time ministry, our mates should be this and more)

• Respectable/honorable (8)
• Not hypocritical/two-faced, insincere (8)
• In control of addictive behaviors especially in relation to alcohol and drugs (8)
• Honest in his work and not overly materialistic (8)
• Have a clear conscience, especially concerning the gospel (9)
• Free from accusations: there is no one to accuse them of wrongdoing (10)
• Eyes for his woman only – not dating around, not having trouble deciding, pursuing YOU – faithful, loyal to his woman (12)
• The type of man who you would want to raise your children (12)

Boaz (The book of Ruth is an interesting model for considering a marriage partner – ispecially if we look at Boaz semi-typolocially)

• Characterized by quickness and strength (consider the Hebrew meaning of his name) (3:1)
• Able and willing to fight for what is necessary (3:1 - גבור)
• Strong, efficient, financially secure (3:1 - חיל)
• Attentive to and proactive in caring for our needs and the needy (2:9, 14; 3:15)
• Speaks words of blessing and encouragement (2:4, 11-12; 3:10)
• States his opinion of me/you clearly (2:11-12; 3:11)
• Respects me/you (cpt 2-4)
• Has an eye to protect the weak (2:8-9)
• Knows the process of evaluating character (2:5-7, 11-12)
• Leads those under him in how to treat the weak and outsiders (2:15-16)
• Close relative: i.e. brother in Christ (2:1)
• Knows how to have a good time (3:7)
• Celebrates good things (3:7)
• Responds to sudden, odd, awkward situations with blessings (3:10)
• Follows through on requests/needs (3:11-4:13)
• Works to keep my/your life from unnecessary fear (3:11)
• Understand the Word (Torah/law) and how it relates to society (3:11-12; 4:1-9)
• Is proactive in guarding and protecting reputation, both his and mine/yours (3:14)
• Gives up his own rights for the Word of God and the good of others (4:10)

Joseph, Mary’s husband (The kind of man Jesus had as an earthly father. The type of man God chose to raise His son)

• Just man (Mt 1:19)
• Unwilling to put his woman to shame (Mt 1:19)
• Obeys the Lord: knows how to hear and listens to personal directives (Mt 1:24; 2:20-23)
• Looks out for the safety of his family (Mt 2:20-23)
• Obeys the laws of the land/ honors the governing authority (Luke 2:3-4)
• Obeys the Word (Lk 2:22-24, 29)

Eph 5

• Loving (25, 28, 32)
• Self-sacrificing (25, 28, 32)
• Immerses me/you in the word (26)
• Keeps an eye on my purity and holiness (26)
• Aware a husband is responsible to God for your spiritual condition (27)
• Considers you precious (29)
• Takes care of your needs (29)
• Able to cut the apron strings from his parents (30)

I Peter 3:7

• Seeks to understand you and modify life according to that knowledge (7)
• Honors the woman as equal by different prizing her femininity (7)

Ps 112

• Delights in the Word of God (all of it, OT and NT including Lev and Deut) (1)
• Looks to leave a legacy (2)
• Financially secure or at the very least makes wise financial decisions (3)
• Gracious, merciful, righteous (4)
• Generous (5, 9)
• Just (5)
• Trusts the Lord, doesn’t worry about the future (7-8)
• Has success in his life (8)

Here are a couple thoughts on attraction I’ve been challenged with:

• What do I feed my eyes and the lusts of my flesh (Prov 27:19-21)?
• Do I love what God loves (1 Sam 16:7)?

Open Letter

I wrote this letter to my Sunday Morning Bible Study class. The thoughts in it had been on my heat and mind all week. I post this to challenge myself again, and anyone else who cares to read.

Dear ones,

I want to read you this letter, because I want to choose my words carefully. Today is where the “fun” part of the study ends. Ephesians 1-3 are theologically rich, revealing to us who god is and who we are in Christ: what is/has been done in our inner man. Chapters 4-6 deal with what our lives must be like because of the theology previously revealed.

I warn you. As we face these next chapters you have 2 choices. Mind you – these are not one time choices. These are choices we make every day. This isn’t just a one-time moment of placing a stick on the altar (though that is an excellent outward expression of an inward commitment); this is a moment-by-moment day by day choice. But it is one I also challenge you to make today – and keep making every day.

OPTION 1: Allow God to transform you, remember that He has already given us every spiritual blessing in Christ (1:3), we are alive in Christ, and not dead (2:1-5), and He is able “to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (3:20). We do not transform ourselves – though we may try. I cannot explain how this works – that is part of the mystery of God – how He transforms us, but He can and will do it. Now, if this is the option you want to choose I warn you: This option is not “safe,” or comfortable – it is TERRIFYING and exhausting. God will ask of you more then YOU can give, so that you can walk in His power and know His strength. You will have to lay things down that are precious to you and shed thought patterns and activities which you hold close to your heart. You will have to take up things you’ve never wanted to do, trusting that He will give you the desire for them and change your heart. But I promise you: This is the path to the greatest joy and beauty. Those things we hold on to do not bring us happiness – they distract us from knowing God. God wants us to have the greatest possible happiness that comes from knowing and serving Him in every area of our lives. Yes, it can be terrifying and exhausting – but IT IS WORTH IT!

OPTION 2: Walk away. We don’t have to be changed, we don’t have to grow, we don’t’ have to let go, we don’t have to do anything. We can continue to allow distractions to rule our lives, and continue living in the flesh, we can continue with the same’ol, same’ol comfortable life we’ve always had. We have the option of either jumping off the cliff, or refusing. I am afraid some of us are going to choose this option, maybe not today – but tomorrow or the next day we’ll land on this choice. Still coming to church, still doing the “good Christians things” (church, small groups, choir, devotions, missions trips, teaching Sunday school, BSF, nursery, etc) – but internally we walk away. A choice not to embrace is to reject. Jesus does not give half way points. I warn you: This option may seem safe, and comfortable, but you are trusting in the cliff which could crumble benieght your feet. And God at times (though He does not always) will rip away what you are trusting in so that you have to depend on Him. And it is much less painful to give it up freely. I promise you: This option may not be an un-happy option, but you are missing out. You are as C.S. Lewis said (and I slaughter this quote), “Content to make mud pies in the slums of London, because you cannot imagine what it would be like to take a vacation at the sea.” If you hold on to earthly pleasures – earthly pleasures you will get. Earthly water runs dry – Seek heavenly water (John 4).

My challenge is this:

OPTION 2: If you find yourself here – pray that the Lord will change your heart and mind. I know, though experience, what it is like to walk away from the cliff and say, “Not now Lord, I am not ready.” I know what it is like to live on the edge and never jump because I like solid ground too much. And I do think sometimes (often) the choice to jump isn’t really voluntary, the cliff starts crumbling and we decide it really is safer just to trust God.

I almost hesitate to say this, because I know and love you all, but some of us MAY, I repeat, MAY be caught in option 2 because we do not have the Holy Spirit. We do not have the spiritual blessings. We are spiritually dead. We can’t jump, because we’re a corpse laying on the ground. Many people go to church their whole lives, without ever knowing God. I say this not to have you doubt your salvation – but to open a door for the Spirit to prick any heart in which He does not reside.

OPTION 1: Fling yourself off the cliff with abandon. The scripture doesn’t say, “Don’t live in fear.” It says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4).” Trust me, You’re afraid, I’m afraid. I have NO idea what God is gonna ask of me. But I choose to trust that He is good and kind and if He breaks my heart (which I need), He has the power to heal it. When God heals us – are stronger than when we were before.

I know there will be varied reactions to this letter and to the word as it is taught and later preached today. If any of you need to talk, I am available – Grab me, I will make time to sit down, and hammer this issues out with you.

Fill a Pitcher with the Ocean

I don’t blog often. Only when the topic is something so important/profound I have no recourse but to write. Usually, I prefer to share awesome thoughts verbally with whomever will listen – rarely do I desire to calm myself down enough to sit and type and make myself understood. There is no sure audience, no sure feedback, as a friend of mine said – blogging is like “shouting into the void (sorry If I misquoted you).” But, once and a while – there is a thought or topic which is worth committing to paper. There is something that is worth and uncertain audience – because the truth is greater than I am. I must commit the idea to writing, the concept to paper, so that it will last.

The impact of Ephesians 3:14-21 is one of those passages. This passage, we are all very familiar with. It’s one I’v e heard and thought about, and prayed for years. It wasn’t until today – that I really grasped the meaning.

“¹⁴ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, ¹⁶ that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸ may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, ¹⁹ and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

²⁰ Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, ²¹ to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Eph 3:14-21, NASB)”

I don’t know how you have viewed Paul’s prayer in these verses. I’ve often considered them the “God has the power to give me whatever I want” verses. Mind you, that rarely happens. So in my selfish, pouting way I would often add the line “if he wants to” at the end of verse 20, because, God often doesn’t give me what I ask or desire. I want many things in life – and I don’t have them. So is this verse false? Not at all! That is where the beauty comes. This text is all about changing our entire perception of life. Mind you – we cannot understand it without a little context.

Go read Ephesians 3:1-13 – I’ll wait till you’re done. J

Now, consider that verses 14-21 build off specifically of 3:1, 12-13. Paul writes this book to the Ephesian church (and surrounding churches as it was probably circulatory letter) while he is imprison in Rome. He has spent the first two chapters of the book describe to them the work of salvation, and grace. If the audience doesn’t understand those things – the rest of the book has no foundation.

In verse 3:13 Paul’s reveals his purpose for 3:1-13, “I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory (3:13, ESV).” The Ephesian church loved Paul. He had stayed with them for three years, teaching and discipling that body. It is natural that they were concerned since their beloved pastor/spiritual father/friend was now in a Roman prison. But Paul does not share their viewpoint. He basically says to them, “I wish you could see what I see!” He tells them, “No, no, no! You don’t understand. You see my imprisonment as a bad thing. Hold on, you have to have the whole picture. The grace I wrote to you about in chapter two; God has given me a special part of dealing out that grace. The mystery of salvation and the blended nature of the church (Jews and Gentiles together, I wish I could go on about purity maps and the profundity of this by itself – but that is another blog post) are there to bring a unity which reflects the trinity for the purpose of showing God’s wisdom to the powers that be- both in the earthly realm, but also the Spiritual realm. The devil and his minions are to more fully understand God’s power and wisdom by what happens in the church (take a moment and consider the implications of that, vs. 10). This blended nature requires that gentiles be saved – and I, Paul – the one who persecuted the church – have been given the privilege, the GIFT that I would be one of the primary ones to help this happen. God choice to use ME to put his mysterious plan in order – to work it out! You, Ephesians, see my physical circumstances, you see that I am suffering and imprisoned – you don’t see the glory! You don’t see how I would be willing to suffer ANYTHING. The privilege God has given me is SO SO much greater. It’s so much bigger! Move your focus from the stuff, the troubles of this world – and see what God is doing. You see my imprisonment – I wish you could see what I see!”

On that back of that statement, Paul then prays for the Ephesian church.

Let me back up. This week has been a struggle. It’s one of those weeks where I get out of bed in the morning and fall on my knees crying out to the Lord to move in my life, to change my heart, to make me like him, to give me the words I need to encourage and witness, the strength to work to honor Him, to move in my life, to change my heart, to give me focus where it ought to be, and not where my fleshly desires drag my eyes. This week has been a battle. I’ve been battling guilt (the feeling/emotion of guilt, not always conviction from the Lord – there is a difference) and in so doing – not reveling in His love for me. The emotion of guilt often cancels out the present awareness of God’s love. As it neared Sunday, I had to get ready for my lesson on Ephesians 14-21 – and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to have to face verse 20, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”

Then, I sat down to study – to outline the first 3 chapters of the book. And the implications of how what Paul was saying to the Ephesian church in verses 1-13 directly affect 14-21 (“For this reason [3:14]” points back to 3:1 & 12-13) became real in my mind, Paul is NOT saying “Now, to Him who is able to give you a new car, and pay your tuition/credit card bills/medical expenses, provide a house/job/apartment/spouse/children/family in a way that is better than you can ever think – if He wants to!!” That is too simple, it’s too earthly focused. Paul just spent the first half of chapter three ripping the Ephasian church’s eyes OFF the earthly circumstances and onto what God was doing in the church, the world, and their hearts through His grace and power.

Suddenly I understood! Paul is praying for the church so that they would first be strong in their inner being because God dwells in their hearts. He is not praying that Christ would go dwell in their hearts – that occurred at salvation along with the sealing of the Holy Spirit. He is praying that the fact Christ was in their hearts would give them strength and power. So that when they crawl out of bed in the morning fully aware of the power of the flesh and throwing themselves at God’s feet – they would rise and stand and face their day walking in His strength.

Paul prays secondly, that they would fully understand the love the Lord has for them. As one of my friends expounded on verses 18-19: Paul is trying to explain the love of God, so he starts with giving measurements – its width and length and height and depth – but Paul gives up, because the love of the Lord is far greater than that. It is indescribable – so he just says “this love that surpasses knowledge (19).” Paul wants his audience to really understand this love. Not just nod an intellectual ascent that “yes, God loves me… *yawn,*” but they would KNOW in every fiber of their being – that the knowledge of it would flow through them like the electrical current in our nervous system. Rather than despairing over the weakness of the flesh, He wants them to revel in the vast ocean of God’s love.

Lastly, he wants them to be “filled with the fullness of God.” Imagine that for a second. Filled with the fullness of God? The God who is greater that then entire universe? The one with more power than all of mankind and the spirit realm combined and multiplied to infinity? That God? Paul wants these Ephesians individually and as a church whole – to be complete, to be filled with the very presence and power of God. I cannot describe this in words. Human speech is such a poor vehicle for some of these concepts. I imagine a pitcher sitting on my kitchen counter – which is empty. Paul wants that pitcher to be filled with the ocean. I see the water being poured in, but it never stops – soon the house and the city is underwater.

These three things build off each other. Knowing the love of God requires strength (huh, that’s a new concept) which can only be gotten from a reliance on Christ who dwells in us. Being filled with God requires an understanding of His love.

I sit here – thinking back over my week in awe of how God providentially works my life circumstances so that I will be receptive to His truth.

The next verse is “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” I cannot imagine what a life like Paul describes in verses 14-19 looks like, or feels like. I actually (hate being this honest) am not sure if I could get that life if I asked for it. Yet, Paul tells us God “IS ABLE to do IMMEASURABLY MORE!”

I sit here in awe and reverence and tears.

I reserve the right to be passive!

Disclaimer: I would like to start at the beginning to clarify that this is not a man-bashing discussion. Everything I have to say goes for both men and women. I just hear men voicing (women just think it) the offending statement the most often. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know many men who are active, Godly leaders in their families, churches and businesses; I applaud and admire them all!

As I’ve been pondering the statement recently heard in conversation, I’ve had many thoughts. The offending statement goes something like this: “Not everyone is called to be leader, someone has to follow!” At first blush, this statement has a ring of truth. A society can’t only be made up of leaders, it would explode. My mother would often comment, “Too many Ba Ba’s in the kitchen.” I never quite understood that statement, but it illustrates the point. You have to have designated leaders and those who follow… duh… we all agree.

Now, here comes the sticking point. Often those who say such a statement aren’t talking about leading and following. They think they are, but they aren’t. They are talking about activity and passivity. What they are saying really is – “I reserve the right to be passive!”

In order to be a good follower, one has to be active. The same goes for leadership. One cannot succeed in either enterprise from a passive stance. Following does not equal passivity; it equals submission, recognizing who the leader is, and doing everything possible to assist him in his goals. But, leadership does not equal activity. I’ve known several very active people in leadership positions who thought they were good leaders just because they were active. Not True! They were terrible leaders – no one can follow a headless chicken. It is extremely active, but it hasn’t a clue where it’s going. On the other side, I’ve known people who thought they were good followers, but they were really just passive. Leading them was like dragging a mule behind you. If it happened to be walking in the same direction you wanted to go, GREAT! If it didn’t – sorry, nothing was gonna happen.

Consider, the Biblical hierarchy goes something like this: God > government>Father>Mother> children, along side a similar hierarchy: God>Church (Pastor>Deacons>SS Teachers> etc and so on)> Father > Mother> Children. We can fuss over the exact categories and what else should be included or discluded, but I give those hierarchies for illustrative not definitional reasons. Notice, every human falls under the authority of God. So, EVERYONE is already a follower. Anyone who leads, is an underleader (whether they know it or not). One has to be a good follower in order to be a good leader. The more actively someone goes about their following, the more ready they are to step up and lead when that opportunity arises (in a family, at work, in a church, community, etc). Everyone on those hierarchies is responsible to lead those below them, and influence those above and beside them.

Therefore, the real issue is not whether people everyone is supposed to lead, the issues is: The issue is not WILL you lead, but WHO? Are you actively following God and the leaders he placed in your life? Are you leading in the areas He has called you to lead? Are you following so actively that leadership can just happen like the change of a hat? Or would getting you to lead be more like push starting a train?

Single on Valentine's Day?

Let me meld some theology for you concerning singleness (though much of this applies to the married, widowed, etc. as well). Nothing I’m about to say in anyway downplays the ache and the longing that comes with being single. God created us for companionship, we are not meant to be alone. We are created for relationship.

I was listening to some friends tonight chat about the struggle of singleness, and the longing for marriage. God brought to mind much of the journey and lessons He’s taught me, and informed me I was to write about it. There are many passages in scripture we are familiar with, yet, we often don’t look at them in light of each other.

Consider, “Do not lay up for yourselves TREASURES on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal (Matt 6:19 ESV).” This passage is speaking directly of physical wealth, stuff, money, but the eternal principles are much broader. What am I seeking to lay up for myself? What do I want more than anything?! Most women I talk too are not concerned with having a big house, or a fancy new car, or the latest pair of high-heels. When I really listen to their hearts, these women deeply, DEEPLY long for relationship – marriage, children, family. They would give their earthly wealth in search for those relationships. The challenge from this passage is a reminder that a marriage relationship, though it is God ordained, beautiful, and precious, is earthly. Eventually, that marriage will be no more – it cannot last past the earthly realm. It is so easy for our (my) focus to be caught up on gaining that earthly treasure. So often our hearts can chase after what we see to be valuable.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven… for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matt 6:19, 20a & 21, ESV).” This is where the battle begins. It is easy to read the passage, and get the point. I am not to be completely focused and seeking after that which, though it may be good, is not eternal – but what then AM I supposed to be seeking after? How do I get my heart to be focused on treasures in heaven? To those questions, sadly, I do not have simple answers. So often it would be nice if the Christian life was like a math problem 1+1=2. If I pray three times a day while standing on one foot then… my heart will long for what it should and all will be well! Not. It is a daily battle, training our minds from a focus on the good earthly things, and focusing on the heavenly. It is a work God has to do in our heart. I cannot stress enough, the importance of our relationship with God. Until I truly begin to realize what it means for God to be the Love of my soul, I will not be able to comprehend how I am to keep my treasures and heart in Heaven.

See, we are created for relationship, outside of a close, personal, day-by-day walking hand-in-hand with the LORD relationship, we will never find contentment. Ask any married person, Does their spouse actually fill that relationship void in their life completely? Does having children make it all better? No. God created us with a void that only He could fill. So often, we try and bandage our own wounds, cure our own longings – when what we need is to take them to the Father and cast our cares upon Him. Do you want to be married? Tell him! Do you long for Children? Give that to the Father. We are commanded, it is NOT a suggestion. “Casting all your anxieties on Him BECAUSE He cares for you (I Peter 5:7, see also Phil 4)”. He cares for you – what a PROFOUND statement. This is one I sometimes have a very hard time believing – Does God really want me to be happy? Or is He just content with my holiness?

“Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink… For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. BUT SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matt 6:25a, 32-33, but read 6:24-34, ESV).” It is SO easy to get caught up with our longings for relationship, and companionship that we miss the bigger picture. God is working, God is doing something amazing. I have a choice, either I can join Him – or I can pine away for what I think I really want/need. God knows my relationship needs. He knows my heart and my longings – He created me. He knows me intimately and better than I know myself. We need to trust Him – that He will provide for those needs, as I seek Him and serve Him faithfully.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before hand, that we should walk in them (Eph 2:10, ESV).” God has created you for specific good works. These are good works which He prepared for you long ago, before you were even born. He is building His kingdom, and we are privileged to be a part of that! Those good works are part of the TREASURE we are to lay up in Heaven!!! God created us, with a specific physical appearance, because He knew what we’d need to look like to get the job He has for us done. He created us with a specific personality, and temperament. He gifted us with natural talents and spiritual gifts. And, may I dare add – our life experiences are orchestrated to mold our character, and our wisdom to be what it needs to be, so that we can be fabulous tools. Friend, you are single, NOT because you’re a failure, NOT because you aren’t beautiful (or handsome) enough, NOT because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, NOT because you just haven't stumbled upon the right person yet. You are single because God is purposely forming you into the image of His son. You are single because that singleness is a crucial part of His preparation in your life so that you could be equipped to do His will (Heb 13:20). For some people at this age in life – the equipping equals marriage, for others of us, it means singleness. I challenge you (and as always myself more than you), you are single this Valentine’s Day, NOT because God doesn’t care – but because He is intimately involved in your life. He is the Lover of your soul.