Single on Valentine's Day?

Let me meld some theology for you concerning singleness (though much of this applies to the married, widowed, etc. as well). Nothing I’m about to say in anyway downplays the ache and the longing that comes with being single. God created us for companionship, we are not meant to be alone. We are created for relationship.

I was listening to some friends tonight chat about the struggle of singleness, and the longing for marriage. God brought to mind much of the journey and lessons He’s taught me, and informed me I was to write about it. There are many passages in scripture we are familiar with, yet, we often don’t look at them in light of each other.

Consider, “Do not lay up for yourselves TREASURES on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal (Matt 6:19 ESV).” This passage is speaking directly of physical wealth, stuff, money, but the eternal principles are much broader. What am I seeking to lay up for myself? What do I want more than anything?! Most women I talk too are not concerned with having a big house, or a fancy new car, or the latest pair of high-heels. When I really listen to their hearts, these women deeply, DEEPLY long for relationship – marriage, children, family. They would give their earthly wealth in search for those relationships. The challenge from this passage is a reminder that a marriage relationship, though it is God ordained, beautiful, and precious, is earthly. Eventually, that marriage will be no more – it cannot last past the earthly realm. It is so easy for our (my) focus to be caught up on gaining that earthly treasure. So often our hearts can chase after what we see to be valuable.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven… for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matt 6:19, 20a & 21, ESV).” This is where the battle begins. It is easy to read the passage, and get the point. I am not to be completely focused and seeking after that which, though it may be good, is not eternal – but what then AM I supposed to be seeking after? How do I get my heart to be focused on treasures in heaven? To those questions, sadly, I do not have simple answers. So often it would be nice if the Christian life was like a math problem 1+1=2. If I pray three times a day while standing on one foot then… my heart will long for what it should and all will be well! Not. It is a daily battle, training our minds from a focus on the good earthly things, and focusing on the heavenly. It is a work God has to do in our heart. I cannot stress enough, the importance of our relationship with God. Until I truly begin to realize what it means for God to be the Love of my soul, I will not be able to comprehend how I am to keep my treasures and heart in Heaven.

See, we are created for relationship, outside of a close, personal, day-by-day walking hand-in-hand with the LORD relationship, we will never find contentment. Ask any married person, Does their spouse actually fill that relationship void in their life completely? Does having children make it all better? No. God created us with a void that only He could fill. So often, we try and bandage our own wounds, cure our own longings – when what we need is to take them to the Father and cast our cares upon Him. Do you want to be married? Tell him! Do you long for Children? Give that to the Father. We are commanded, it is NOT a suggestion. “Casting all your anxieties on Him BECAUSE He cares for you (I Peter 5:7, see also Phil 4)”. He cares for you – what a PROFOUND statement. This is one I sometimes have a very hard time believing – Does God really want me to be happy? Or is He just content with my holiness?

“Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink… For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. BUT SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matt 6:25a, 32-33, but read 6:24-34, ESV).” It is SO easy to get caught up with our longings for relationship, and companionship that we miss the bigger picture. God is working, God is doing something amazing. I have a choice, either I can join Him – or I can pine away for what I think I really want/need. God knows my relationship needs. He knows my heart and my longings – He created me. He knows me intimately and better than I know myself. We need to trust Him – that He will provide for those needs, as I seek Him and serve Him faithfully.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before hand, that we should walk in them (Eph 2:10, ESV).” God has created you for specific good works. These are good works which He prepared for you long ago, before you were even born. He is building His kingdom, and we are privileged to be a part of that! Those good works are part of the TREASURE we are to lay up in Heaven!!! God created us, with a specific physical appearance, because He knew what we’d need to look like to get the job He has for us done. He created us with a specific personality, and temperament. He gifted us with natural talents and spiritual gifts. And, may I dare add – our life experiences are orchestrated to mold our character, and our wisdom to be what it needs to be, so that we can be fabulous tools. Friend, you are single, NOT because you’re a failure, NOT because you aren’t beautiful (or handsome) enough, NOT because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, NOT because you just haven't stumbled upon the right person yet. You are single because God is purposely forming you into the image of His son. You are single because that singleness is a crucial part of His preparation in your life so that you could be equipped to do His will (Heb 13:20). For some people at this age in life – the equipping equals marriage, for others of us, it means singleness. I challenge you (and as always myself more than you), you are single this Valentine’s Day, NOT because God doesn’t care – but because He is intimately involved in your life. He is the Lover of your soul.