A while ago I posted a compiled (per request) a list of character based qualities from which a woman should evaluate her potential date or mate. This is the companion list of character based qualities from which a man should evaluate his potential date or mate. Neither list is exhaustive - but this list especially is a challenge to myself as to what character qualites I should be seeking to grow in.
- Proverbs
- Does not use her words to lure men into wrongful behavior (5:3-6; 6:24; 22:14)
- Speaks wisdom (chapter 9) – I would dare to speculate that there is a reason Wisdom is personified as a women, they have a special place and influence in society should they use that position correctly.
- Gracious (11:16)
- Has discretion (11:22)
- Seeks to bring honor and never shame (12:4)
- Edifying in nature. She seeks to build and create whether with practical physical things, or in her relationships, especially with her family (14:1)
- She is not quarrelsome or contentious (19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15-16;) – Ladies, look at how many references there are on this one – Definitely a theme in Proverbs, take note!
- Prudent (19:14)
- Not causing vexation, anger, or fretting (21:19)
- Proverbs 31 – This is the ABC’s of a virtuous woman, and I will present it that way. I am writing for an audience of singles, but it is important to note that the Proverbs 31 woman is an older woman who has been married and raised children.
- Aleph (10) – Value virtuous women.
- Bet (11)– She is trustworthy.
- Gimel (12)– This woman is careful only do things that are good for her husband; she makes choices in the present (financial, health, purity, etc) with him in mind.
- Dalet (13)– She is an industrious and practical worker with her hands, knowledgeable in the materials she needs and how to create helpful items for life.
- He' (14) – She is a creative and adventurous cook, carefully choosing her ingredients and knowing where to get them (presumably with the best deal)
- Vav (15) – She is willing to limit her sleep so that her family has an excellent start to their day and are well fed.
- Zayin (16) – She makes wise financial investments and is careful with her money doing those things which will provide financially for her family in the future.
- Chet (17) – She is physically able and strong. This strength comes from her work (via context), but in our modern culture where many jobs are sedentary in nature – this is woman who cares for her body physically and exercises.
- Tet (18) – Her creative, productive ingenuity brings profit for the family. Their electricity is not at risk of being turned off, nor does she waste her time idly with lazy pursuits.
- Yod (19) – She creates the median materials needed for her business and her household’s life from the raw materials she already procured in vs 13.**
- Kaph (20) – She is generous to the poor.
- Lamed (21) – She has planned ahead for possible difficulty**, and in those hard times her family will be protected and provided for.
- Mem (22) – She decorates her home beautifully and dresses stunningly.
- Nun (23) – She looks for a respected and respectable man to be her husband.
- Samek (24) – She has a business from her home and good relations in the market place.
- ‘Ayin (25) – She is honorable and strong, not worried about the future (Phil 4)
- Peh (26) – She speaks wisdom and scripture/the law of lovingkindness (torah of chesed).
- Tzade (27) – She is not lazy, but rather cares for her household and keeps them in line.
- Qoph (28) – Her children and husband recognize her worth.
- Resh (29) – They say that she is greater than all other women.
- Shin (30) – This women rests in her character to give her beauty and bring her praise.
- Tav (31) – She deserves to see the results of her labors and receive praise from her family, friends, and community.
*See Eph 4, Paul’s list of things to put off and put on for concrete examples of what you can be doing. The fruits of the Spirit, are just that – fruits that the Holy Spirit grows in our lives as we cultivate our relationship with Him, however, Eph 4 deals with practical daily things we can be doing.
**Vs 13: She gets wool and flax – the raw materials. Vs. 19: she makes the wool and flax into cloth – median materials. Vs. 24: she creates the final product to be sold.
- Ephesians 5:22, 24, 33
- Submit to her husband (not to men in general) – She has a submissive attitude toward those in authority (Father, pastor, government authorities) and a willingness to follow and let men around her practice leadership.
- Cultivates respect toward men particularly her husband.
- 1 Timothy 2:9-15
- Her focus is on the inward more than the outward beauty.
- She does take care and orders her appearance in a way which is respectable and self-controlled (neither lazy and careless or overly obsessed) – or to use an ill-defined Christian buzz-word – she’s modest.
- She is actively practicing good works.
- She is a learner with a quiet and submissive attitude toward the teachers.
- Does not seek to dominate the men around her.
- Honors the leadership order begun at creation (i.e. complementarian)
- Values children and child rearing.
- Lives a life characterized by faith, love, holiness and self-control.
- 1 Timothy 3:11 - I do not believe this verse is discussing deacon’s wives but rather women who serve in a specific non-elder/leader position in the church
- She is respectable
- Not given to gossip or foolish sharing of knowledge/stories
- Not an alcoholic
- Takes life seriously with a mature attitude.
- Faithful
- Titus 2:3-5
- Worthy of respect
- Not spreading lies or gossip
- Not bound by addictions
- Looking to teach good things
- Focus on mentoring younger women
- Committed to love her husband (should the Lord provide)
- Committed to love her children (should the Lord provide)
- Self-controlled
- Pure
- Committed to focusing her life around that which is best for her family
- Kind
- Submissive to her husband
- 1 Peter 3:1-
- Committed to submit to and obey her husband
- Respectful
- Pure in all actions
- Winsome in character and conduct – reflecting the Word
- Focused on inner beauty above external beauty.
- Gentle and quiet spirit - This is not a statement on personality types – but rather an attitude of the heart which trusts the Lord and is not anxious or quarrelsome (think the opposite of Proverb’s quarrelsome woman).
- Does not allow fear to keep her from obeying God and her authorities.
- Does that which is good.
- Hopes and waits for the Lord to act on her behalf (even when her earthly authorizes don’t care for her as they ought)
- Ruth
- Chooses God above the logical way of life (1:16-17)
- Loyal (1:16-17)
- Proactive in solving problems and providing for those around her (2:2)
- Respectful of culture and boundaries (2:7)
- Industrious, hard working (2:7)
- Direct about getting needed information (2:10)
- Does not take things for granted (2:13)
- Listen’s to advice (2:23; 3:4-6, 14)
- Trusts those God put in her life to provide and protect her, even when illogical (3:6)
- Makes proper appeals when in need (3:9)
- Accepts gifts, compliments, and help graciously (3:15)
- Waits without nagging for others to do what they said they’d do (3:18)
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